University of Florida President Hoping for Violence to Build Movement

Warning to Readers: This article is satire – a parody on fake news. A sense of humor is advised.

GAINESVILLE – University of Florida President Kent Fuchs said he wants Richard B. Spencer’s speech today to spark violence that will gain sympathy for the Marxist Leftard movement Fuchs represents.

Fuchs warned that he and his supporters will thrive on any confrontation brought by the gangs of leftist protesters he has incited at UF. He said his army of leftard students hope to provoke the same violent clashes that broke out during an August rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, that left one woman dead.

“Now, for the first time in the history of our nation, racist college students and the NFL are coming together to deny Mr. Spencer his constitutional rights and accuse white people of racism,” Fuchs said. “We’re coming to our campus today with the intentions of creating riots and destruction with the goal that everyone in this country adopt our view of the world or be called a racist.” He went on to say in a celebratory tone that “This is a media bonanza for us!”  

When asked why Mr. Spencer should be silenced, Fuhs responded, “Well, I have to admit that I never actually listened to any of Mr. Spencer’s speeches or read his blog, but CNN and MSNBC are reporting that he is a racist so that’s good enough for me.”

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Buyers from Hell

I have bought and sold many homes in my life, the most recent a fabulous waterfront property on Lake of the Woods in Virginia where for nearly 11 years we had the most wonderful neighbors and made the best of friends. We absolutely loved living on the lake and we will miss everyone we knew there!

When I was asked, however, to compare my home selling experience at Lake of the Woods with the many homes I have bought and sold in my life, I responded that I would rather be tortured with a high voltage cattle prod shoved up my ass than to have to sell another waterfront home at Lake of the Woods. The entire “selling” experience was cruel and unusual punishment.

Now that the sale is finally complete and recorded and paid, I think the words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr are appropriate to describe how we feel today:

“Free at last, Free at last, Thank God almighty we are free at last.”

Have a great winter everyone, and remember – if you are thinking about selling waterfront property at Lake of the Woods in Virginia – consider torturing yourself repeatedly with a high voltage cattle prod first. Then you will be prepared for all the pain and suffering and torture that lies ahead.

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Confederate Pride

For all the historical revisionists in our country today who want to erase our nation’s history, you can kiss my confederate-heritage ass and here is why:

My great-grandfather was Landon Brame Edwards (1845 – 1910). He was educated at Randolph-Macon College. At age 18, he left college and enlisted in Drewry’s Company, Virginia Artillery, and served the Confederate States of America until the end of the Civil War. After the war, my great-grandfather attended Richmond Medical College and New York University, where he received his M.D. in 1867.

Dr. Edwards became editor of the Virginia Medical Monthly and secretary of the Medical Society of Virginia, of which he was a founding member. He was an intern in the Charity Hospital on Blackwell’s Island and then assistant physician at the hospital for nervous diseases at Lake Mahopac, New York. He engaged in practice in 1868 at Lynchburg, Virginia, and two years later was active in establishing the Medical Society of Virginia.

In 1871, he married Nancy Pettyjohn Rucker (1849 – 1912) – my great-grandmother – who is a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR). Founded in 1890, the DAR is a non-profit, non-political volunteer women’s service organization dedicated to promoting patriotism, preserving American history, and securing America’s future through better education for children. My great-grandparents gave birth to my grandfather, Landon Beirne Edwards in 1887, who married Kathleen Caughy Edwards (1890 – 1970). Her father, my other great-grandfather – was Charles M. Caughy who in 1893 was appointed by President Cleveland to be the United States Consul to Messina, Sicily, where he remained for 14 years. He transferred to be Consul to Milan, where he served until his return to the United States just before his death in 1913. My grandfather and grandmother gave birth to my father Alfred Caughy Edwards in 1922 who married my mother and gave birth to me. I have two sons and a granddaughter who inherit this heritage from me.

I am proud of my heritage, and to be an American who served his country in the U.S. Marine Corps. My father served in WWII. My grandfather in WWI. My great-grandfather in the Civil War, and my great-great-great-grandfather in the American Revolution. That is a history to be proud of my friends and it is something I will never let anyone take away.

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